In Search of an Angel

I was sixteen, pregnant and unmarried. What a scary thought! But, I was in love, wanted my child ... and needed to tell my parents.

The crushed looks on their faces made me feel dirty and ashamed. Marriage was not an option.

My parents insisted that adoption was the only solution.

I refused to accept this decision, even though they made arrangements for me to enter an Unwed Mother's Home - this is where I would live, work and wait ... for the birth of my child. I always felt that my parents would change their minds and accept me and my child back home

It was a warm August night when my labor pains began. As they increased, I realized the pains were bringing me closer to the day when my child and I would be separated. Not just in severing the umbilical cord, but the severing of any future relationship for us.

My daughter's birth was a sad day for me. Though I dressed her, hugged her and held her close to me, I could not see her through my tears. And as the nurses pried her from my arms, I broke down in uncontrollable sobs. 

I was allowed to name her that warm August day. In my mind, only a miracle could change things. If that were to happen, God would have to intervene. But, he did not.

I turned my daughter over to God for safe keeping that day; I bargained with Him to watch over her for me. I knew I might never see her in this world again, but in the next - I would find and meet her.

She was his tiniest Angel, so I named her "Angel" and we were separated that day.

I married and had a son. I thought another child would fill my arms, and fill the "void" that remained after the birth of my first child, my daughter. 

This never happened.

Every birthday was a cutting reminder that she was out there "somewhere." Every holiday she was "missing." My family was not complete, nor was I.

I had another son, and some years later, a daughter. I loved each of them, but they were never a replacement for my little Angel.

As the years passed, her memory remained. I silently vowed, "some day, some way ... I will find you."

Then, one day, the phone rang. The voice on the other end was telling me the vehicle went out of control and there was a horrible crash. "Your son is dead!" This new pain was a pain that no parent should ever have to feel. Yet, this pain was similar to the pain and loss I felt when my first child was taken from me and placed for Adoption with a family that I did not know, in a city I didn't know. The loss was the "loss of a child."

One year later, I found myself divorced and alone. The time had come to fulfill my vow from years ago. My daughter Angel was 18, and I was strong enough to begin the "search."

I spent six months writing letters to Governmental Agencies, Adoption Agencies, Judges and Social Workers. All to no avail.

Then, I saw an ad in the newspaper: "Adoptees and Birthparents wishing to find their biological parents or child, please meet at the Concourse Hotel in Madison, Wisconsin for an informative meeting." The time, date and room number were given. I feared answering such a blind ad, but I felt it as my only hope.

Seven people showed up that night. Later, we became known among ourselves as the "Magnificent Seven." Wisconsin's first Adoption Support Group was born that evening. Later, we lobbied for Wisconsin's Open Adoption Law, which exists today. It is a law with numerous flaws. It is costly and the search process is lengthy due to under-staffing and ever increasing numbers of searching adoptees. And, there is NO provision for a birthparent or sibling to search via this program. BUT, it is a start toward "Open Records."

I met an adoptee that evening in 1980, with her help, I found my daughter within three months!

My search was over, but my life had changed. I realized the methods that I implemented would work for any searching birth family member. I helped others within the original "seven" find their birth families, and since have helped many, many in these past 16 years.

My name is Mary- I am an Independent Adoption Search Consultant, and founder of I.C.A.R.E.

I.C.A.R.E. is an acronym for Independent Confidential Adoption Research Efforts. But, I CARE says it all.