Hello, my name is Eric, and I'd like to share some thoughts on adoption from the adoptee's point of view. Hopefully, this will be an encouragement to both adoptees, birth family members, and adoptive parents.

First of all, my parents will always be my parents. Nothing will ever change that. They have instilled in me a certain core of beliefs. I had a wonderful childhood, was given all kinds of opportunities in hobbies, sports, and travel. I was also disciplined in love when I needed it, and believe me, there were times I definitely needed it!

My parents weren't able to have children of their own. So, I am the middle and only boy between my two adopted sisters. Each of us had different birthmothers. I can still remember my parents addressing the issue this way; "Do you know that you're adopted?"--Yes. "Do you know what that means?"--Yes. It means that the woman who had me couldn't keep me, but loved me enough to give me to you. "And we're your parents now." --That's right. 

Looking back on it, I can see that they were coached by the social worker to do this. Each of us went through a time of mourning, realizing that we couldn't go back to our "real mommies." Mine happened when I was five.

Birthdays were happy, fun times when the whole family would get together, including aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Birthdays were also lonely times in which I prayed for my birthmother. I instinctively knew at the age of five that I couldn't share this with my parents for fear of hurting them. I never had any kind of feelings of hate or bitterness towards my b-mom. I knew it must have hurt her to give me up. I asked the Lord to somehow reach her so I could express my gratitude to her. "If not in this life, Lord, then at Your throne," was my heartfelt prayer. 

Life was very normal for me, but every now and then, the emptiness of "not knowing" would pop up like the old proverbial cork under water. As I see it, my identity consists of basically two essential parts: my beliefs, and my genetically inherited traits. Both are necessary in defining who I am as a human being. I know what I believe, but where I got my genetically inherited traits from had always been a mystery. My life began before the court sealed my records. So, there was a part of my life that I had been denied the right to know about. This bothered me. My frustration was in the fact that I had been a party to a contract that I did not give consent to, and a system that gave me virtually no recourse to that contract.

Around the beginning of April, I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to search for a registry on the internet. The idea had never occurred to me before, and in fact, I was in the middle of doing something else on the computer when it happened. I'm pretty much a one-track minded guy, so when thoughts like that come with urgency, I try to pay attention and follow through with them.

My first attempt took me to a site where someone was trying to sell their book on how they found their b-mom. Not exactly what I was looking for. A few days later, I was prompted to try again. This time I found Diane's email address, and we started to correspond. (Diane, my sincere thanks go to you for everything you've done.) She entered my information in the I.C.A.R.E. registry. Diane was also very helpful in giving me some concrete steps to take in the search process. After two weeks of writing back and forth, there was nothing else to talk about until I could do some of these things.

On Saturday April 19th, 1997 I went to Lodi to help a friend do some work on his house. He's an adoptee just like me, and is searching just like I was. We were looking at his information and I told him that I thought he had a better chance of finding his b-mom than I did. Well, that night I came home at 11:30 pm and checked for email. There was an email from Diane Ritt. It had, "BIRTHMOM!!!!!!!!" for the title. In it she said that she had just had an inquiry on my birthdate. I just sat at the computer and cried!! It was like an emotional flash flood. All the years of loneliness, prayer, and wondering about that special woman who gave me the gift of life.....could this really be true? Needless to say, I didn't go to bed until 2:30 am, and even then I didn't really sleep. 

Sunday morning the phone rang!! My wife, Bonnie and I looked at each other wondering if this was THE call. It was Diane, with the news that it was a match! At 2:00 pm I called my b-mom. When she answered and identified herself, I said,"Hi Mom, I'm home!" Bonnie and I talked with Julie for over two hours, and it was like none of us wanted to end the call. As you can see by the pictures, we have had a face to face reunion. My mom came and stayed with us for five days. We fit together perfectly, and I couldn't be happier about how our relationship is developing.

I'd like to end this with some encouragement for those of you who are contemplating starting a search. I've heard it said that, "the fear of the unknown is greater than the fear of the known." This seems especially true in the area of adoption searches. What do you have by way of experience in your life that compares with this? It's all new territory. I had nothing that would allow me to say, "been there, done that." In fact, when I first thought of searching ten years ago, I took about three months just thinking of the possible implications. What if she's weird? What if I don't want a long term relationship after meeting this person? What if she rejects me? On and on the fears go. Just take it one step at a time. 

Now that I've crossed the adoption search bridge, I can look back and say it has been worth it all. I have experienced incredible closure. Meeting my b-mom would've been enough, but to find roots dating to the mid-1600's, well, what can I say? We are a part of each other, no matter what some court decided 35 years ago. Now is the time to get your answers, to find the missing piece of your life. Tomorrow is promised to no one.

     Blessings in your search,
     - Eric 

Read Eric's Birthmother Julie's story of the day she found her son.

One Year Later...