ICARE Registry Forums: a message to birth parents

Message

   To birth parents who may view this site...

Don't discount the search for someone who has a connection with you!  I urge birth parents to at least try the search, if you are contemplating it.  We, as adoptees, are numbered in the thousands, and many of us are looking. If you did an online search for a child you had given birth to, you will see how many of us there are that want the chance to know you.  It may not work out the way you want it to, at first, but the chance to know us is sometimes more than we, as adoptees, can ask for.  

Giving yourself the chance to heal, and giving us the chance to find out about ourselves, in past family history, can be something that is rewarding, and can give closure to the emptiness that some of us feel - birth parents included.

You are good enough, and so are we!  The choices that you made are the ones that made us.  We are not secrets any more, and the questions now sometimes have the ability to be answered.

Keep the faith, and remember, there are many of us who think about you all of the time, just like you would think of a child or an experience that you have had.  It doesn't have to be a bad thing any  more... it has the possibilities of being a good thing, if we all take into consideration how we, on both sides, can feel about this subject.

Good luck to all, and God Bless!

Author	Message
monarch73 Newbie Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Location: WI Posts: 25	Topic: a message to birth parents Posted: 21 Sep 2006 at 10:08am
	To birth parents who may view this site... Don't discount the search for someone who has a connection with you! I urge birth parents to at least try the search, if you are contemplating it. We, as adoptees, are numbered in the thousands, and many of us are looking. If you did an online search for a child you had given birth to, you will see how many of us there are that want the chance to know you. It may not work out the way you want it to, at first, but the chance to know us is sometimes more than we, as adoptees, can ask for. Giving yourself the chance to heal, and giving us the chance to find out about ourselves, in past family history, can be something that is rewarding, and can give closure to the emptiness that some of us feel - birth parents included. You are good enough, and so are we! The choices that you made are the ones that made us. We are not secrets any more, and the questions now sometimes have the ability to be answered. Keep the faith, and remember, there are many of us who think about you all of the time, just like you would think of a child or an experience that you have had. It doesn't have to be a bad thing any more... it has the possibilities of being a good thing, if we all take into consideration how we, on both sides, can feel about this subject. Good luck to all, and God Bless!
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mary Moderator ICARE Founder Joined: 19 Jun 2006 Posts: 678	Posted: 21 Sep 2006 at 10:13am
	Monarch73 Your name above makes me think of a butterfly...one that started out as a caterpillar....transformed in to who you are now. You couldn't have expressed your feeling any better because they do apply to both birthparent and adoptee. I hope many will read this and take it to heart. Mary
	ICARE Registry
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Judy Newbie Joined: 17 Aug 2006 Location: WI Posts: 13	Posted: 21 Sep 2006 at 1:38pm
	Monarch, Your words definately are very incouraging & insightful. I found out about this website through a coworker of my daughter's little more than a month ago & with the help of Mary she has located our daughter we gave up for adoption 31 years ago We are waiting for the information from Mary about her & then we will be sending a letter to her & try to make contact. My husband (her father) & I are very excited about the possiblity of meeting her some day along with our other 3 children. Your words help give me the courage to continue & the hope that it will benefit our BD as well as us. Judy
	Judy
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monarch73 Newbie Joined: 28 Jul 2006 Location: WI Posts: 25	Posted: 21 Sep 2006 at 4:47pm
	Judy, The words are definately how I feel. Insight comes from experience, and I guess I must have some. I wish I could understand why some people do not choose to do the search after all of these years. It makes no sense to me at all. People meet new people all of the time... the difference here is that this meeting of a new person already has a history. I can understand that some people do not want to meet, and I accept that, even for myself! Life does not last forever, and I believe that we should never let an opportunity pass us by, as insignificant as it may seem to some. I saw a movie that pertains to love, life, death, and other life issues, Tuesdays with Morrie. It is a book by Mitch Albom, who is a journalist, and a darn good writer. To anyone neediing a reason to feel wanted or happy about life in general, this movie is the best. Why people let opportunities pass them by is beyond me. I am of the firm belief that we all need each other, not just the people that we choose. Babies need a mother or caregiver, mothers need their children, spouses need their significant other... we are all in need of human contact and love. Holding a grudge never makes anything better, it just helps the old wound fester into something that is more unmanageable. Healing ourselves is the best way to carry on our lives, for everyone, not just adoptees or birth parents. Wish me luck... I just sent in my paperwork to Madison today!
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tracylynn Newbie Joined: 16 Jan 2007 Location: WI Posts: 9	Posted: 17 Jan 2007 at 3:32pm
	To all adoptees, Me as an BM have never hide my child from my children. There are some birthparents out here that have not and would not consider our children as "secrets" dirty or otherwise. I think of him all the time but I do not want to interfere in his life if he does not want me. I DID make a choice and had him but I also did what was best for HIM not MYSELF. Giving him to his family was the hardest thing that I have had to do to date and I will be 40 real soon!!! So understand that we too have questions about you too. You are angels sent to give love and joy to those who had none!! I believe that with all my heart!!! tracylynn
	Tracy Lynn Sanders
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SON 06/21/1990 Newbie Joined: 08 May 2007 Location: WI Posts: 2	Posted: 14 May 2007 at 3:13pm
	I am a bm, my son is not yet 18. his birthday is next month, i wanted to get on and have it set up. I have thought about meeting him everyday for the last 18 yrs, the closer the possibiltiy gets the more nervous and scared i get. he has never been a secret, he has 3 sisters and two of them know all about him. the youngest not so much yet as i dont think she would understand it just yet. My parents on the other hand never discussed it outside the immeadiate family, not because they were embarassed of him or me but i believe the stigma of the whole thing. choices made when your 17yrs old are not always choices you can live with, no matter how hard you try to justify them. i hope all adoptees know this. I would really love another bm that may be having similar feelings maybe contact me. I have so many different feelings and i dont think anyone understands if they have not been through it. thanks for listening
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Judy Newbie Joined: 17 Aug 2006 Location: WI Posts: 13	Posted: 28 May 2007 at 8:53pm
	I am also a bm that had given up a daughter @ the age of 17. I understand what you're feeling with the possibitly of finally meeting your son now that he's almost 18. When our daughter turned 18 we tried to locate her but were told that as bp we are not allowed to make the initial contact, that only the adoptee was legally able to. We tried again some years later with the same results & it wasn't until last year when she was 31 that we found Icare & made our first contact with her last September. I wish I had found out about Icare years ago but everything is going better than I could ever hope for & have to look forward. There are many emotions a person goes through - all part of the healing process but worth every step. I wish you the best in your search once the your son is old enough & I encourge you to do so as soon as you know it's right but don't ever put it off because of fears of rejection, they to have fears of contacting us so someone has to take the first step towards that new journey in life!!!!!! Good Luck!!
	Judy
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sreuling Newbie Joined: 23 May 2007 Location: WI Posts: 4	Posted: 18 Jun 2007 at 4:42pm
	Thank you for that judy. I'm glad yours has a happy ending. shelly
	shelly
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